Viking Sagas - More Funny Bits
The excerpts are from the
translations at The
Online Medieval and Classical Library.
My comments added in black.
Wermund
said that his son had judged all things rightly, and bade him first learn the
use of arms, since he had been little accustomed to them.
When they were offered to Uffe, he split the narrow links of the
mail-coats by the mighty girth of his chest, nor could any be found large enough
to hold him properly. For he was too hugely built to be able to use the arms of
any other man. At last, when he was bursting even his father's coat of mail by
the violent compression of his body, Wermund ordered it to be cut away on the
left side and patched with a buckle; thinking it mattered little if the side
guarded by the shield were exposed to the sword.
The
Nine Books of the Danish History of Saxo Grammaticus
Then
I uncovered and drew my sword, and as the smith fled I clove his privy parts;
his hams were laid open, cut away from the bone; they showed his entrails. [Ouch!]
The Nine Books of the Danish
History of Saxo Grammaticus
Hildigisl
slunk off with a spear through both buttocks, which was the occasion for a jeer
at the Teutons, since the ugliness of the blow did not fail to brand it with
disgrace.
The
Nine Books of the Danish History of Saxo Grammaticus
Now
see to thy safety henceforward,
And stick to thy horse and thy buckler;
Or this mallet of mine, I can tell thee,
Will meet with thine ear of a surety.
Now say no more stories of feasting,
Though seven in a day thou couldst tell of,
Or bumps thou shalt comb on thy brainpan,
Thou that breakest the howes of the dead.
Song from Kormak's
Saga
Hrut
raised up his halberd and struck Eidgrim through the back between the shoulders
so that the coat of mail was torn and the halberd flew out through the chest,
and Eidgrim fell dead off his horse, as was only natural.
The Laxdaela Saga
At
that moment An fell, having fought for some time, with his inwards coming out. [Chaming]
The Laxdaela Saga
He
shattered and broke with the bite the sword Hoding which smote upon my head, and
would have dealt worse wounds if the edge of his blade had held out better.
The Nine Books of the Danish History of Saxo Grammaticus
Cormac
felt for his sword, but it had slipped out of the sheath.
[Don't you hate it when that happens?]
Kormak's
Saga
They
fall to fight together; Ketil goeth against Bardi, and Thorgaut against Thorberg.
There lacked not great strokes and eggings-on. [Can't go
wrong with a bit of egging-on]
Heitharviga Saga
Now
that day men gave and took wounds, and one man from the Northcountry-men was
brought to his death, and he was borne into a copse that was on the ere, and
much blood ran from his wounds, and there stood a pool of blood in the copse.
There was the youngling Kiartan, the son of Thurid of Frodis-water, with a
little axe in his hand; he ran to the copse, and dipped the axe in the blood.
Eyrbyggja Saga
But
the next morning men had a turf-play beside the booth of the sons of Thorbrand,
and as Thorlak's sons passed by, forth flew a great piece of turf, and smote
Thord Wall-eye under the poll, and so great was the stroke, that he fell heels
over head; but when he arose, he saw that Thorbrand's sons were laughing at him
hugely.
Eyrbyggja Saga
Thorod
Thorbrandson had so great a wound in the back of his neck that he might not hold
his head straight; he had on hose-breeches withal, and they were all wet with
blood. A home-man of Snorri the Priest was about pulling them off; but when he
fell to stripping them he could not get them off. Then he said: "No lie is
that concerning you sons of Thorbrand, when folk say ye are showy men, whereas
ye wear clothes so tight that they may not come off you."
Thorod said: "Belike thou pullest
slovenly." And therewith the home-man set his feet against the bed-stock
and pulled with all his might, but yet gat them off none the more.
Then Snorri the Priest went thereto,
and felt along his leg, and found a spear stuck through his leg between the
hough sinew and the leg bone, that had nailed together the leg and the breeches.
Then said Snorri that the thrall was a measureless fool not to have thought of
such a thing.
Snorri Thorbrandson was the briskest
of those brothers, and he sat at table beside his namesake that evening. Curds
and cheese they had to meat, but Snorri noted that his namesake made but little
play with the cheese, and asked why he eat so slowly.
Snorri
Thorbrandson answered that lambs found it the hardest to eat when they were
first gagged.
Then
Snorri the Priest drew his hand down his throat, and found an arrow sticking
athwart his gullet and the roots of the tongue. Then Snorri the Priest took
drawing-tongs and pulled out the arrow, and then Snorri Thorbrandson fell to his
meat.
Then Snorri the Priest healed all the
sons of Thorbrand. But when Thorod's neck grew together his head sat somewhat
drawn backwards on his trunk, and he said that Snorri would heal him into a
maimed man. Snorri said that he deemed the head would come straight when the
sinews were knit together; but Thorod would have nought but that the wound
should be torn open again, and the head set straighter. But all went as Snorri
had guessed, and as soon as the sinews were knit together the head came right;
yet little might Thord lout ever after. [Whinge
whinge whine]
Eyrbyggja Saga
Grettir
tackled them each in turn, now thrusting with the spear, now hewing with the
sword, while they defended themselves with logs lying on the ground or with
anything else which they could get.
Grettir's Saga
Neither
of them had a helmet. Grettir went along the marsh and when he was within range
launched his spear at Thorbjorn. The head was not so firm as he had intended it
to be, so it got loose in its flight and fell off on to the ground. [Annoying
when that happens]
Grettir's Saga
Tjorvi,
indeed, threw his shield before him on the ice, but he leapt over it, and still
kept his feet, and slid quite to the end of the sheet of ice.
Njal's
Saga
So
he ran in up the hall, and smote Gunnar Lambi's son on the neck with such a
sharp blow, that his head spun off on to the board before the king and the
earls, and the board was all one gore of blood, and the earl's clothing too.
[That'll ruin your dinner]
Njal's
Saga
He
struck the lenderman before mentioned (Thorgeir of Kviststad) across the face,
cut off the nose-piece of his helmet, and clove his head down below the eyes so
that they almost fell out.
The Chronicle of the Kings of Norway
Erling
himself was wounded in the left side; but some say he did it himself in drawing
his sword.
The Chronicle of the Kings of Norway
