Silly Songs: Gwerin Favourites

Borderlands

By Heather Rose Jones

If ever you wander down by the Welsh border
Come stop by and see me and all of my kin
I’m Morgan ap Daffyd ap Gwion ap Hywell
Ap Ifor ap Madoc ap Rhodri ap Gwyn
We’ll feast you on mutton and harp for your pleasure
And give you a place to sleep out of the cold
Or maybe we’ll meet you out on the dark highway
And rob you of horses and weapons and gold

My neighbour from England has come across raiding
Slain six of my kinsmen and burned down my hall
It cannot be borne this offense and injustice
I’ve only killed four of his, last I recall
I’ll send for my neighbors, Llewellyn and Owain
We’ll cut him down as for the border he rides
But yesterday Owain stole three of my cattle
And first I’ll retake them and three more besides

We need a strong prince to direct our resistance
Heroic, impartial, of noble degree
My brother’s wife’s fourth cousin’s foster-son, Gruffydd
Is right for the job as I’m sure you’ll agree
What matter that Rhys is the old prince’s nephew
He’s exiled to Ireland and will not return
I know this for every time boats he is building
I send my spies money to see that they burn

Last evening my brother and I were at war
Over two feet of land on a boundary we share
But now that I hear he has been foully murdered
I’ll not rest until I avenge him, I swear
Yes, we are just plain folk who mind our own business
Honest and loyal and full of good cheer
So if you should wander down by the Welsh border
Come stop by and meet all the friendly folk here

Come Landlord fill my flowing bowl

Chorus
Come Landlord fill my flowing bowl until it doth run over
Come Landlord fill my flowing bowl until it doth run over
For tonight we’ll very merry be, for tonight we’ll very merry be
For tonight we’ll very merry be… Tomorrow we’re hungover.

Here’s to the man who drinks small ale and goes to bed quite sober
Here’s to the man who drinks small ale and goes to bed quite sober.
Falls as the leaves do fall, falls as the leaves do fall, falls as the leaves do fall,
He’ll die before October.

Chorus

Here’s to the man who drinks strong mead and goes to bed quite mellow,
Here’s to the man who drinks strong mead and goes to bed quite mellow.
Lives as he ought to live, lives as he ought to live, lives as he ought to live,
And dies a jolly fellow.

Chorus

Here’s to the maid who steals a kiss and runs to tell her mother.
Here’s to the maid who steals a kiss and runs to tell her mother.
She’s a foolish foolish thing, she’s a foolish foolish thing, she’s a foolish foolish thing.
She’ll never get another.

Chorus

Here’s to the maid who steals a kiss and runs to steal another
Here’s to the maid who steals a kiss and runs to steal another
She’s a boon to all mankind, she’s a boon to all mankind, she’s a boon to all mankind,
And soon she’ll be a mother.

Chorus

Come walk along this leafy lane and don’t be so particular
Come walk along this leafy lane and don’t be so particular
If the grass is very wet, if the grass is very wet, if the grass is very wet,
We’ll do it perpendicular.

Chorus

If I had a pile of bricks I’d build my chimney higher
If I had a pile of bricks I’d build my chimney higher
That should stop the neighbour’s cat, that should stop the neighbour’s cat, that should stop the neighbour’s cat,
From pissing on my fire.

Chorus

Superman was sleeping round so Lois Lane she killed him
Superman was sleeping round so Lois Lane she killed him
Filled his pants with kryptonite, filled his pants with kryptonite, filled his pants with kryptonite,
And pushed him off a building.

The Reenactor
(To the tune of The Wild Rover)

I’ve been a reenacter for many a year,
And I’ve spent all my money on weapons and beer
But now I’m returning, battle weary and sore
And I swear that I’ll not re-enact any more.

Chorus:
And It’s no, nay, never,no, nay, never, no more
Will I be a reenacter,
No never, no more.

I’ve seen many Battles, I’ve seen many fights
I’ve slept on the ground, known many sleepless knights
I’ve fallen in rivers, I’ve fallen in mud
Been hit on the head and got covered in blood.

Chorus

With my pack overloaded, I wait for the train
It’s freezing and dark and it’s started to rain
With my gear in the guardsvan, I ask am I sane?
I’ll tell you right now, I won’t do this again.

Chorus

But when I get home and I crawl into bed
Feeling so tired that I wish I was dead
I look at my gear lying thrown on the ground
And can’t wait ’till the next battle day comes around.

Colorful Bruise
(To the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)

My legs have felt the pounding of a hundred thousand blows
The times my sword has broken only God in heaven knows.
Each blow upon my helmet jolts me clear down to my toes
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

Chorus;
Glory glory what a colorful bruise I’ve got.
Glory glory what a colorful bruise I’ve got.
Glory glory what a colorful bruise I’ve got
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

On the morning of the tourney I stepped bravely on the field,
And then I saw my foeman and my senses they did reel.
He was six foot six, three hundred pounds and made of steel
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

Chorus

He cracked my shield and broke my helm and beat me to the ground.
My armour lay in tatters all the tourney field around.
They gathered it together through one boot they never found
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

Chorus

And when the melee sides were picked my heart was filled with fear,
They put me in the front line, even though I craved the rear,
The blows I took disabled me for almost half a year,
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

Chorus

So now the tourneys come around I watch them from the side.
The blood and gore upon the field my body can’t abide.
And with the lovely ladies on the sidelines I reside,
And I ain’t gonna fight no more.

Your Lady’s Been Learning to Fight
(To the tune of My Bonny Lies Over the Ocean)

My lord we have great news to tell you
Too wonderful simply to write
While you’ve been away at the Crusades
Your lady’s been learning to fight

Chorus
Oh boy, oh boy,
She’s learning to handle a sword, a sword
Oh boy, oh boy,
Oh what a surprise for her lord

It’s true she’s a delicate creature
A vision of sweetness and light
We know that it’s hard to believe, but
Your lady’s been learning to fight

Chorus

With a sword so shiny and pointy
In armour and helmet so bright
You’d better start practising quickly
Your lady is learning to fight

Chorus

So polish up weapons and armour
And hone up your skills to their height
And say a few prayers while you’re at it
Your lady is learning to fight

Chorus

So this puts an end to carousing
No more you’ll go wenching all night
We’re sorry for the inconvenience
But we’ve taught your lady to fight

Chorus

So we thought we’d send you a letter
And spare you a terrible scene
Of returning at last to your homeland
To find out that you are the Queen!

Freaking the Mundanes
Words by an SCA bod but modified to fit the Gwerin
(To the tune of Waltzing Matilda)

Once the noble Gwerin held their practice in the park.
Under the shade of the Gwerin tree.
And we sang as we marched down the pavement in our funny clothes,
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.

Chorus (repeat 3rd line of each verse in the chorus)
Freaking the mundanes, freaking the mundanes,
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.
And we sang as we marched down the pavement in our funny clothes,
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.

Battle practice over, we trooped into the local bar.
“You must check your weapons!” cried the landlady.
And she stared as her bar disappeared beneath a pile of steel.
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.

Chorus

Spears on the roof-rack, go sailing down the motorway
The driver cried, “Give the map to me!”
And we sang as the tourists stared out from their passing cars,
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.

Chorus

Battle practice in the park, a chiming from the road was heard,
“Stand and deliver!” cried the bold company,
And they sang as they munched on their lollies and their icecream bars
You’ll come a freaking the mundanes with me.

Chorus

Why sit at home and dream your dreams in solitude?
This will be fun, I guarantee.
Go put on your costume, strap your weapons by your side,
And come a freaking the mundanes with me