Not Quite Songs...
The Landlords Prayer
Our larger,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(As l am drunk),
At home as in the tavern,
Give us today our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine in the beer, the bitter and the larger,
Forever and ever,
Barmen.
Gaudete - The Translation
From: Piae Cantones (1582)
Translated (?) by Ioseph of Locksley
| Gaudete! Gaudete Christus est natus Ex Maria Virginae, gaudete!
|
Gaudette (Fr.) and Christopher have been naughty with Maria from ( or in ) Virginia, USA. |
| Tempus ad est gratiae Hoc quod optibamus Carmina laetitae Devote redamus
|
Tempus is grateful for the pawnshop while Carmine's breasts are late in developing. He remains optimistic as they ask to be read the election results. |
| Deus homo factus est Naturam erante Mundus renovatus est A Christo regnante!
|
Nature has erred and
made God a poofter. Next month, renovation, and Christopher may get pregnant. |
| Ezecheelis porta Clausa per transistor Unde lux est orta Sallus invenitor
|
Eziekiel is carrying
Santa Claus with a transistor radio. Sally has invented ( or ought to invent ) a deluxe model of fancy underwear. |
| Ergo nostra contio Psallat jam in lustro Benidicat domino Sallus Regi Nostro! |
The Ergones are in
our nostrils, but we lust for "Psallat Jam." "The Benedictine dominos will reign over Sally" says Nostradamus. |
The Bttle of Hastings
By Marriott Edgar
I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
and 'Arold got shot in the eye.
It were this way - one day in October
The Duke, who were always a toff,
Having no battles on at the moment,
Had given his lads a day off.
They'd all taken boats to go fishing,
When some chap in t'Conqueror's ear
Said 'Let's go and put breeze up the Saxons;'
Said Bill - 'By gum, that's an idea.'
Then turning around to his soldiers,
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting - 'Hands up who's coming to England.'
That was swank 'cos they hadn't no choice.
They started away about tea-time -
The sea was so calm and so still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.
King 'Arold came up as they landed -
His face full of venom and 'ate -
He said 'If you've come for Regatta
You've got here just six weeks too late.'
At this William rose, cool but 'aughty,
And said - 'Give us none of your cheek;
You'd best have your throne re-upholstered,
I'll be wanting to use it next week.'
When 'Arold heard this 'ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
And shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William answered - 'And you.'
'Twere a beautiful day for a battle;
The Normans set off with a will,
And when both sides was duly assembled,
They tossed for the top of the hill.
King 'Arold he won the advantage,
On the hill-top he took up his stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around him,
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
The Normans had nowt in their favour,
Their chance of a victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field were against them,
And the wind in their faces and all.
The kick-off were sharp at two-thirty,
And soon as the whistle had went,
Both sides started banging each other
Till the swineherds could hear them in Kent.
The Saxons had best line of forwards,
Well armed both with buckler and sword -
But the Normans had best combination,
And when half-time came neither had scored.
So the Duke called his cohorts together
And said - 'Let's pretend that we're beat,
Once we get Saxons down on the level
We'll cut off their means of retreat.'
So they ran - and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving 'Arold alone on the hill-top
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew;
He went right up to 'Arold and shot him.
He were off-side, but what could they do?
The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the fight were all over bar shouting,
And you couldn't see Saxons for dust.
And after the battle were over
They found 'Arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with an eye-full of arrow
On his 'orse with his 'awk in his 'and.
