The Microsoft Middle Ages

Spotted on the HistReenact Mailing List.

The Top 11 Differences in the Middle Ages if Microsoft Had Existed Then

11.  Chastity belts require a password rather than a key.

10.  Last year’s pitchfork not compatible with this year’s hay.

9.  Lord Gates claims he has no memory of any memo describing his intention to “wipeth my arse with the Magna Carta.”

8.  The “Good Plague” hoax.

7.  Horses routinely stop in mid-stride, and require a boot to the rear to start again.

6.  The Microsoft Rack would work, but it would be 3 times larger than it should be and never completely kill anyone.

5.  Forget about William Tell; William Gates shoots Apple off the head of Steve Jobs.

4.  Use of a large, clumsy broadsword instead of yet-to-be- invented scissors helps explain Lord Bill’s haircut.

3.  Archbishop of Canterbury gets hit in the face with a pie.

2.  Stained Glass Windows MCCCXXXXV actually not released until Spring of MCCCXXXXVI.

1.  The Y1K bug threatens to cripple high-tech industries, like stonemasonry and weaving.