Ye olde chatup lines!

Spotted on the HistReenact Mailing List.

“Hey, Princess, you wouldn’t happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?”

“Been there, slain that.”

“What’s a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?”

“They don’t call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.”

“When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren’t the only thing they stretched.”

“Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor.”

Wench: “What’s that sound?” Knight: “That’s just the sound of my chainmail drawers expanding.”

“Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!”

“Your hovel or mine?”

“Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?”

“Dost thou practice safe hex?”

“Milady, it’s not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.”

“I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.”

“You should be glad I’m not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.”

“I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I’m walking on!”

“Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear?”

“You won’t believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you…the fate of England depends on it!!”

“My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it.”

“I’ve been very naughty. You’ll have to put me in the stocks and…er…punish me, now won’t you?”

“You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Rapunzel. Only it wasn’t my hair that the queen asked me to let down.”

“I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m’lady.”

“C’mon, sweetie…didn’t your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away.”

“I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?”